I have to admit that I only sort of paid attention to this game until late. This was due to three factors. 1) the Anaheim Ducks are in the Stanley Cup Playoffs and playoff hockey is awesome. 2) My children were wild banshees due to the fact that I was immersed in two sporting events and not the latest episode of PHINEAS and FERB. 3) The Angels have kind of sucked for the first month and week of the season so I was a bit disheartened when the emergency starter for tonight's game gave up a lead off home run. But I did slowly come around to the game the same way the Angels slowly wore down the Sox on their way to a win.

Angels 7 White Sox 5

With the season in full gear, it’s time to face facts. The Angels are hurting and no one can quite put their finger on a diagnosis. Any and all suggestions are being considered as the team looks for ways to hit their stride and begin making a climb in the AL West. Trades, minor league assignments, even coaching changes are all on the table. Every idea, no matter how radical, is being considered as the Halos look for the spark to start racking up some wins.

Here then, are five good reasons to replace Josh Hamilton with a turtle.

1) A Turtle will get on base more often than Josh Hamilton.

Pacific Leatherback Sea Turtles are the largest turtles in the world. At their largest, they’re barely above the knee of a human being. Given that a normal strike zone is said to be between the numbers and the knees, even the largest turtle in the world has basically has no strike zone. Bat the turtle second between a lead off Peter Bourjos or Erick Aybar and before Mike Trout and you’ll have two men on for Mikey to blast three run homers all season! Just make sure Trout does some extra pushups at practice. We’ll need him to pick up and carry his turtle teammate on his way around the bases. Angel fans have sat through Bengie Molina’s base running, but even that patience has its limits.

2) There is no wage scale for non humans in the MLB.

This one may be taking advantage a bit, but if it brings wins, we must consider it. Rookie contracts and veteran minimums are all but set in stone, but turtle wages? There’s nothing on the books! Which means a turtle can be signed for whatever number he’ll take on a contract. Being that turtles live in their shells, he wouldn’t have many financial needs. We may be able to sign him for nothing but some beach land to retire on, a truckload of turtle chow, and an occasional trip to the zoo to get some turtle groupies.

The May 10th, 2013 edition of daily news for the Los Angeles Angels including C.J. Wilson gets engaged to Brazilian supermodel, Dipoto dances around firing Scioscia questions and much more...

The Story: C.J. Wilson got engaged to his Bra-lisallzilian supermodel girlfriend earlier this week.

The Monkey Says: I think she should've said no until he pitched seven full innings in a start. Make him earn it.

The Story: Jerry Dipoto dances around making a direct statement about Scioscia's job security.

The Monkey Says: Jerry is quoted here with a lot of talk about "we" and said on Jim Bowden's radio show how they'd work out of the hole "together." That sounds like a tacit vote of confidence, but it is standard Dipoto speak where he makes it sound like he is saying yes but is also leaving himself enough wiggle room for the answer to still be no.

The story of this game should be how the Angels are barely clinging to life after sneaking out of Houston with a late-inning rally to avoid a sweep. But you and I know we can't focus on that, not after the shenanigans Bo Porter and the umpires pulled.

If you missed it, enjoy watching a MLB manager and umpiring crew take a dump over the very basic rule than any pitcher entering a game must face at least one batter before being replaced.

Thanks to the nearly empty stadium, if you listen real close you can hear Scioscia yell "embarrassment" at the umpires. It is mind-blowing how this display of incompetency came to pass.

All I can say is thank goodness the Angels ended up winning and didn't need to go through with the protest to the league. I say that both for the sake of MLB's integrity but also having to replay the Angels getting swept by the Astros twice would've probably killed me.

Alas, they didn't thanks to Mark Trumbo hitting an accidental game-tying double. The season maintains its almost undetectable pulse for another few days.

Angels 6, Astros 5

The Angels keep losing and losing in ways that are truly excruciating to watch. Viewing a Halo game has become a real chore, but fret no more! MWAH is proud to present a game to liven things and make the Angels watchable once again. Say hello to "How Will the Angels Lose? Bingo Edition!"

The premise of the game is simple. It is just like the Bingo game you played as a child and will play in your senior citizen years, only instead of letter and number combinations, the card spaces are set according to the various tragedies that befall the Halos during a typical game. Get five in a row and you have BINGO! That's right, you can still win even though the Angels will probably lose! You can finally watch an Angel game and feel good at the end of the night.

Here is the board, go ahead and print it out to use at home!

Sciosciaface	Blown save	Insurance run allowed	Hitter injury	Halo not lit
Lose to Astros	Back-breaking GIDP	Walk-off loss	Anonymous reliever	TOOTBLAN
Pujols in pain	Pitcher injury	FREE	Bases loaded, 0 runs	Blooper reel
Stupid sac bunt	3+ Butcher mound visits	No SB attempt in obvious SB situation	Angels lose by one-run	Half empty stadium
Hamilton strikes out on 3 pitches	Post-game closed door meeting	Pitcher walks in a run	Starting pitcher goes less than 6 IP	Costly late inning error

If this doesn't work for you, just try drinking... a lot... or heroin. Either way.

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Another ho-hum game. Another terrible showing from what has become a laughing stock of a baseball team. How many more ways can a blogger write about this flaming pile of hot garbage that is the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim?

Let's see. They have lost two in a row to the Astros, the purportedly worst team in all of Major League Baseball. Joe Blanton did his best to keep the team in the game. The offense decided not to show up, once again. Not a surprise.

What IS a surprise, however, is that Josh Hamilton hit a home run. No, that is not a typo. After briefly falling under the dreaded Mendoza .200 average line during the game, the beleaguered slugger launched an opposite field home run. Josh Hamilton supplied all of the Angels' offense. This is not good.

Astros 3, Angels 1

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Game Notes

-- Joe Blanton, as bad as he has been this season, is finally becoming the innings eater Jerry Dipoto signed him to be. He has delivered his third quality start in a row. Too bad the offense has decided to take its collective naptime every time this happens.

-- The Angels are now just 1 1/2 games from becoming the worst team (by record) in major league baseball. A glance at the team that has shown up in Houston this series would cause some to believe that they already are the worst team in major league baseball.

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Halos A-Hole of the Game

This situation has become so very sad; who is there to blame in a game like this?