Good news, Angel fans! I've finally found an offense more unclutch and pathetic than the Halos' offense!!!
I thought it was an impossible task to unearth something even more inept than the Angels' batting order, but lo and behold I turned on the NBA Finals and... BINGO! I never imagined that I would have to watch another sport to find even worse execution in the clutch, but sure enough, there were the Miami Heat bricking shot after shot, running unimaginative plays and seeming generally frightened of the ball in the final minutes of the game.
Heck, the Heat even have a ring leader of their awfulness. Much like Torii Hunter sets the standard for sucking for the Halos with all of his untimely GIDPs, LeBron James hamstrings the Miami offense by hiding from the ball down the stretch and launching long two-point jumpers instead of attacking the rim in the rare instance that the ball does actually find its way over to him cowering in the corner.
Thanks, LeBron. I don't feel so bad now, especially since you and the rest of the Heat somehow managed to make it this far despite such glaring deficiencies. I think I might just go ahead and buy my World Series tickets now.
Hey, I think I've seen that look before. I bet you if he lowered the jersey a little we would all see... THE SCIOSCIA FACE!!!