It couldn't possibly get worse, right? No. Actually, it seems like it can. After Joe Blanton stunk up the joint last night, serving up taters to the whole ballpark out in frigid Minnesota, Jason Vargas out-stunk him. One could try to rationalize the sudden loss of Vargas' command of his pitches, chocking it up to the cold air, or sympathy for Blanton, or a Space Jam-esque alien invasion.

But at this point, who wants to hear rationalizations? Who are these guys? The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are once again the laughing stocks of April, crumpling under the weight of expectations and lack of organizational depth and injuries. At some point, something has got to change, and knowing Jerry Dipoto, it will.

But until that day comes, the Angels find themselves once again on the losing end of a shellacking by the... Minnesota Twins. One can look to the skies for a silver lining, but it's night time in Anaheim, and the clouds are nowhere to be found.

Twins 8, Angels 6

Game Notes

-- Mike Trout is looking more and more like himself these days, so there's that. Out to prove the sophomore slump is a myth, Kid Fish had another two hits, including a couple 2-out RBI, and raising his batting average back into the .300's. This could be the last time it dips below that mark this season, fans can hope, but who knows?

-- Speaking of 2-out RBI, the Angels actually had some clutch hitting to speak of. Albert Pujols drove in a key run early on, while Peter Bourjos and Andrew Romine contributed with run-producing outs to compliment Trout's efforts. And, that's about it. Howie Kendrick continues to swing at terrible pitches. Josh Hamilton continues to swing at terrible pitches. But hey, it's early, right? Right...?

-- Dane De La Rosa continues to produce solid work out of the bullpen. At this rate, that might make two great pitching acquisitions in the Dipoto regime; him and Ernestor Frieri... and... uh.... .... uh..... a little help here, folks?

Halo A-Hole of the Game

I want to include all of the starting pitchers for their ugly, ugly collective 6.07 ERA this season, but there can only be one per game. Sorry guys.

The Angels recently shifted Garrett Richards from a middle relief role to starting role, promoted Luis Jimenez from AAA to the Major League squad, promoted Michael Roth from AA and put him into a long relief scenario in which he’ll piggy-back on Richards’ starts and promoted the recently acquired Dane De La Rosa to the bullpen from AAA.  Undoubtedly while some news sources believe these moves scream of “panic”, it seems the Angels under Jerry Dipoto have adopted such aggressive promotion policies and intend to use them consistently.  But just how big of an impact can we foresee these players having on the Angels this season or in a long-term sense?

Garrett Richards – As many of you are aware, I predicted Richards would win a starting role for the Angels a few weeks ago, and I stand by such a prediction.  I have my doubts this can be a simple injury fill-in when pitchers like Joe Blanton and Tommy Hanson are struggling as much as they are.  If Richards throws as well as I think he will, he’ll secure a starting spot and the Angels will have to creatively shuffle Blanton, Hanson and Williams around or one may be traded once Jered Weaver returns.  If Richards struggles with consistency, he’ll be shifted back into middle relief.

Luis Jimenez – Jimenez has been spectacular since his promotion and subsequent insertion into the Angels starting lineup.  While Callaspo is not on the DL, one has to wonder if he’s getting nervous about reclaiming a starting spot once he’s healthy.  The energy Jimenez has brought to the team could be considered one of those “intangibles” coaches are always talking about.  Whatever the case, Jimenez’s defense has proven to be adequate and he’s driving the ball with enough consistency that he may not be a bad option as an everyday third baseman until Kaleb Cowart is ready.  Even if “Lucho” continues to produce for the Angels, Callaspo was recently signed for the next two years, so it remains doubtful he’ll earn a starting role.  So in the short-term, I envision Jimenez returning to AAA in part due to contracts but also because Mike Scioscia tends to favor his veterans.  Long term, it seems likely that Jimenez will see significant time at third base for the Angels, if not as a starter then as a reserve.

Michael Roth – Roth made all of one start in AA since being drafted last season before his promotion.  While he looked fantastic in his debut, it seems unlikely that Roth would stay for a permanent role on the major league squad just yet.  He’s extremely polished, but even the best college pitchers learned a bit in the minors and Roth should be no different.  In the short term, I expect he’ll remain effective and make quite a few fans wonder if he shouldn’t become the swing starter while Jerome Williams should be dealt, but inevitably he’ll return to AA.  Roth doesn’t exactly have the arsenal of a traditional short reliever, so a spot in the pen would remain unlikely with fellow lefties Scott Downs and Sean Burnett on staff.  Furthermore a role in the bullpen in unlikely long-term as well given that Nick Maronde should be ready to rejoin the Angels bullpen sometime within the next season.  However, Roth should be able to compete for a spot in the rotation as soon as next season and given how dominant he was in college and how aggressively the Angels have promoted him, one can’t help but be excited about this possibility. 

Dane De La Rosa – DDLR as I’ve nicknamed him has emerged as the Angels primary right-handed setup man.  This has less to do with his performance and more to do with the fact that Weaver got hurt which took Richards out of the equation and Kevin Jepsen turned back into a pumpkin at midnight.  While scouting reports indicated DDLR came equipped with a 98 mph fastball and an excellent slider, my scouting report has differed considerably.  DDLR sits more comfortably around 93-95 and has an average slider which he’s been able to put over the plate.  This doesn’t mean he won’t be effective.  I believe De La Rosa will be reasonably efficient, though I do not believe he’ll ever be the mainstay in the 7^th or 8^th inning the Angels will count on night in and night out.  This is my projection for DDLR, both in the short-term and long-term.    

Virtually ever scenario I’ve calculated leads me to believe that the odd man out here is going to end up being Jerome Williams.  If Richards pitches well in the rotation, Blanton’s contract will ensure him a spot as a long reliever or Hanson’s affordability could slot him into a similar role.  If Michael Roth pitches well, he’ll immediately be considered a younger, cheaper, more left-handed option than Williams.  If DDLR pitches well, he’ll earn a spot in middle relief which would push another reliever into the middle relief role.  If Luis Jimenez plays well, the Angels would certainly find a use in keeping him around, which would result in one less pitcher and if other pitchers continue to perform well this could make Williams the odd man out. 

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TOOTBLAN [tt'bln] - (noun or verb) The act of an MLB baserunner committing a mental error that results in him being Thrown Out On The Basepaths Like A Nincompoop.

It has long been a hallmark of Mike Scioscia's tenure at the helm of the Angels that the offense would manufacture extra runs via a constant assault on the defense by way of aggressive running of the bases. Scioscia's Halos steal a lot bases and take the extra base on at every opportunity on a ball in play. That's how it is supposed to work.

As you may noticed this season, the Angels offense isn't exactly firing on all cylinders. As you may have also noticed, the trademark aggressive Angel baserunning has not been present thus far in 2013. Instead, the Angels have become one of the foremost purveyors of TOOTBLAN.

Exhibit A

One of the most glaring deficiencies of the Angel offense thus far has been their near lack of stolen bases. Through their first 12 games, the Halos have swiped  just three bases. That's it. Howie Kendrick has stolen two and Mike Trout has stolen one. This is not a product of bad luck as the Angels have collectively attempted just five actual steals. There are the three successful steals, a TOOTBLAN-rich Albert Pujols caught stealing attempt (he apparently thought that with his injured foot that has slowed him to a job, he might be able to get a steal via the element of surprise) and failed attempts by Kendrick and Luis Jimenez.

For whatever reason, the Angels just aren't running. Trout has been oddly reluctant to run though he has had a few hit-and-run situations erase some of his would-be attempts. Still, Erick Aybar never made an attempt before he got hurt and super speedy Peter Bourjos has also yet to try to swipe a base. There isn't even a real explanation for why the team has been so conservative other than maybe they have been on the wrong side of a multi-run deficit a several times thus far and don't want to risk giving away an out when what they need is a bunch of runs instead of one.

While this team has some real plodders like Pujols, Iannetta, Trumbo and Callaspo, there is simply too much speed here for things to continue like this.

The April 16th, 2013 edition of daily news for the Los Angeles Angels including Angels potential suitors for Headley, Arte Moreno paying for his own moves and much more...

The Story: The Angels could be a suitor for Chase Headley if/when he becomes available via trade.

The Monkey Says: I seriously doubt it, but I understand why people will bring it up. Frankly, the Angels just don't have the prospect package that the Padres would want in a Headley deal. I also don't think the Halos are that unhappy with Callaspo, who they just signed to a two-year deal, as a placeholder until Kaleb Cowart is ready.

The Story: Arte Moreno needs to look at his own moves if he is angry about the Angels' slow start.

The Monkey Says: Simers likes to propagate the "Angry Arte" persona, but this is the first time I have seen anyone else echo that sentiment. I'm still not sure his anger really manifests itself in actual moves, with the exception of the Wells trade after the Carl Crawford catastrophe. Most, if not all, of the hirings and firing from Arte have been more than justifiable. Maybe he is angry, but he isn't impulsive.

Just when the Angels looked like they were ready to finally get hot, they arrived in the frigid temperatures of Minnesota and cooled right back down.

This game had all the tell-tale signs of the struggles that plagued the team so far this season. Joe Blanton laid another egg against a weak lineup. The bats got unlikely output in the form of homers from Peter Bourjos and Brendan Harris, but the rest of the team failed to support them going 0-for-5 with runners in scoring position and hitting into two double plays.

The real kicker though was the bullpen going south once more. Michael Roth, Mark Lowe and Dane De La Rosa combined to allow four runs to thwart any attempt at a Halo comeback before it even got started.

Honestly, if you could write a script for all of the Angel losses this season, this was that script. Back to the drawing board, I guess.

Twins 8, Angels 2

The Angels just finished another crazy and frustrating week, so to no one's surprise, the rankings have seen arguably the biggest shake up in history, not the least of which is a new player atop the rankings...

RANK	PLAYER	CHANGE	COMMENTS
1		+1 Last Week: 2	Albert Pujols - If he keeps showing this improved plate discipline, then maybe it is best that his plantar fasciitis never gets better, even if it hurts me to watch him so much as jog to first base after a walk.
2		-1 Last Week: 1	Mike Trout - Wait, now that I've dropped him down to the two-hole in the power rankings, just like Scioscia did in the batting order, does that mean I am "panicking" just like Scioscia too?
3		+11 Last Week: 14	Howie Kendrick - Howie Kendrick has been the team's most clutch hitter to date. GTFO.
4		+8 Last Week: 12	Ernesto Frieri - The problem with strict bullpen roles is that in a bullpen in dire need of talent, the best reliever ends up throwing the most infrequently. FREE FRIERI!
5		-1 Last Week: 4	Mark Trumbo - His plate discipline has improved greatly thus far, unfortunately it has come at the expense of his power and ability to hit with runners in scoring position.
6		-1 Last Week:5	Chris Iannetta - He finally didn't bat 8th! Yaaa- WAIT! (Checks horizon for a swarm of locusts) (Checks the sky for the arrival of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse) We're clear. Yaaaaaaay!
7		+8 Last Week: 15	Josh Hamilton - Well look who finally decided to join the party? Two weeks late, but I guess better late than never.
8		-- 0 Last Week: 8	C.J. Wilson - At a certain point, I have to assume he uses the #throwstrikes hashtag strictly because he loves irony so much.
9		+7 Last Week: 16	Garrett Richards - Not the greatest start, but certainly good enough for the Angels to feel like they aren't going to need to pump Jered Weaver full of steroids to get him back as fast as humanly possible.
10		-1 Last Week: 9	Peter Bourjos - A lot of people wanted to see what Speedy Petey could do in the leadoff role. Well, you got your chance and so far not so good. I still like the idea of him leading off against southpaws though.
11		+6 Last Week: 17	Sean Burnett - I didn't think he was ready for it, but Burnett has stepped up big time in the last week to help the Halos weather the storm.
12		-5 Last Week: 7	Jason Vargas - SMALL SAMPLE SIZE ALERT! Thus far the "The Big A is just as much of a pitcher's park as Safeco" Theory has not held up.
13		+7 Last Week: 20	Scott Downs - His outings are a lot more harrowing than they used to be still, but at least the results are there, for now.
14		-4 Last Week: 13	Alberto Callaspo - With Aybar out and the Halos in desperate need of stability in the leadoff spot and on the left side of the infield, he goes and immediately gets hurt. Of course.
15		-4 Last Week: 11	Tommy Hanson - Can handle the Rangers, but can't handle the Astros? It is going to be quite some time before we have any real idea of what the Angels really have in Tommy Hanson.
16		-- 0 Last Week: n/a	Luis Jimenez - The Lucho has been Libre'd! (And, yes, I realize how terrifying it is that he is already ranked this high.)
17		+4 Last Week: 21	Hank Conger - Not only does Hank struggle to throw to second base, he apparently struggles to slide into it as well.
18		-- 0 Last Week: 18	Joe Blanton - Congratulations to the winner of our "Most Hated Angel" Poll! A richly deserved honor, I must say.
19		-13 Last Week: 6	Kevin Jepsen - You made me trust you, Kevin. You made me trust you! Never again, you son of a bitch. NEVER AGAIN.
20		-- 0 Last Week: n/a	Dane De La Rosa - He is one big scary looking dude on the mound, isn't he?
21		+1 Last Week: 22	Jerome Williams - At some point, Scioscia really just needs to give Williams a chance to see what he can do in non-mop-up situations. How much worse can he be than the alternatives?
22		-3 Last Week: 19	Mark Lowe - Ohhhh! So that's why the Dodgers released him during training camp.
23		+2 Last Week: 25	Andrew Romine - Romine got some playing time this week and didn't do much but he moves up in the rankings because he held the door for MWAH's own Job Ang at a local Panda Express a few days ago. Good manners go a long way around here.
24		-- 0 Last Week: 24	J.B. Shuck  - Let's be honest, had I told you that J.B. Shuck would get a start and bat leadoff for the Angels in April, you would've known that they were going to start the season 4-8.
25		-2 Last Week: 23	Brendan Harris - Any week that involves Brendan Harris making multiple starts is never a good week. But the real reason for his drop is that he got a new headshot and it isn't nearly as awkward as the old one.

Dropped from rankings: Jered Weaver (broke his own elbow), Erick Aybar (heel turned heel)

Biggest Riser: Kendrick, up 11 spots

Biggest Dropper: Jepsen, down 13 spots

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The April 15th, 2013 edition of daily news for the Los Angeles Angels including Madson making big strides in rehab, Aybar and Jepsen to the DL, Roth and Shuck called up and much more...

The Story: Ryan Madson is throwing at 100% and made it through three bullpen sessions last week.

The Monkey Says: It sure sounds like he is getting close to going out on a rehab assignment, but the team is still being cautious about setting any expectations. I'm sure they want it to be soon because they basically don't have a righty in middle relief that they trust in a high leverage situation right now.

The Story: Erick Aybar and Kevin Jepsen were placed on the disabled list with LHP Michael Roth and OF J.B. Shuck being called up to take their spots.

The Monkey Says: Jepsen had been trying, and failing, to pitch through arm soreness. Hopefully he can get healthy and back to the pitcher he was in the second half of last season. Aybar clearly just wasn't healing quickly and with Callaspo ailing too, the Angels were running out of warm bodies to fill out the lineup. The big shock here is calling up Roth, a 2012 draft pick that doesn't even have 30 innings of minor league experience. He obviously performed well in his first game, but I still question the wisdom of rushing him and adding yet another lefty to the bullpen when Jepsen's absence makes Dane De La Rosa the team's top righty setup man. Yikes. In an earlier move that I didn't get to, the Halos also promoted Luis Jimenez, and I'm wondering if he might not stay up for a long time since the team clearly doesn't ever want to have to play Andrew Romine and Brendan Harris at the same time.