April.  What is it with April?  Is spring training not long enough?  Is it the cold weather away from home?  Is it Mike Scioscia and his coaching staff? Mike Butcher?  Is it team chemistry?  I don’t know, I’m sure you can effectively argue anything at this point.  Bottom line: our halos are playing like poop, and they know they are.  Other than the utter failure of our rotation, let’s try and shed some light on another topic.

Last year, after the signing of Albert Pujols, Mr. Moreno was quick to start his promotion of our generation’s best hitter, placing “El Hombre” billboards of Pujols all across Southern California.  Yes, “El Hombre,” the man brought in by Arte to get the Angels back into the playoffs.  The man brought in to save the Angels from more disappointment.  The man brought in to win a World Series.

Now as you remember, Albert immediately expressed his disdain for these billboards, stating that “El Hombre” was Stan Musial, and that he could never live up to his example.  But, come on, was that the only reason?  How does one live up to such great expectations upon joining a new team?  It was too much, even for a veteran like Pujols.  There’s enough pressure that comes along with a $240 million contract and a new team.  Everyone in the universe already knew what the Angels pulled off.  Why add more pressure by making such a bold comparison to the Cardinal legend?  The consequences? Albert spent April trying to be “El Hombre” instead of himself, showing the world how “unmanly” he could be.  It was only until the beginning of May that it was clear he shook off these comparisons, and went back to mashing the baseball.

This too shall pass.

The season is just 14 games old for the Angels which translates to two and a half weeks in real time and the Angels are sitting at 4-10. That obviously means that there is only one thing for the vast majority of Angel fans to do:

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't mean to totally mock that reaction here as I am prone to a bit of that myself, especially whilst watching Joe Blanton do everything in his power to make sure the he gives the Halos no chance of winning. I get it. It is frustrating and it is painful to watch.

We want this solved and we want it solved now. We also want to find someone to blame because that is just human nature. Something isn't working right, therefore some one must pay.

I even understand why so many Halo fans are committing the cardinal sin of reading way too much into such a small sample size of baseball. We spent the entire off-season being beaten over the head with the narrative that the Angels' poor April cost them a playoff spot in 2012. Now we are all reliving almost the exact same script. Some of the characters have changed, but all the plot points are pretty much the same.

Given all that, the panic, anger and frustration is understandable. I'm not saying that is how you should react, but I get it as I am not immune to it myself, even though I know better.

What everyone really needs to do though is calm the f*** down.

The April 18th, 2013 edition of daily news for the Los Angeles Angels including Blanton trying to figure out struggles, the pain of watching Pujols run and much more...

The Story: Joe Blanton held a meeting with the Angels' coaches in an effort to try and figure out his early season struggles.

The Monkey Says: Well, it couldn't hurt. Unfortunately, one very much has to consider the possibility here that Joe Blanton just isn't very good.

The Story: Albert Pujols is now painfully slow due to his foot injuries.

The Monkey Says: I knew he was moving slowly right now, but I had no idea that he was running so slow that it made Bengie Molina look fast.

Although we have been seeing some signs of life, the pulse still isn’t strong in the Angels. OK, the injuries haven’t been as disastrous as they could have been, with Luis Jimenez covering third base more than adequately, and although we miss Erick Aybar, Harris and Romine haven’t embarrassed themselves at shortstop. The pitching has been predictably unpredictable, but Weaver will be back at some stage (right??!) and until then Garrett Richards should settle in and possibly even cement himself into the rotation. As mentioned elsewhere, the moves by Mike Scioscia which may have at first seemed like signs of panic (moving Trout to two, bringing up Roth, etc) have in fact, whilst not setting the diamond on fire, turned out to be pretty solid, under the circumstances.

So why stop there? Why not push the boat all the way out, and see what floats? Here, tongue firmly in cheek, are five suggestions:

5) Only allow Josh Hamilton to take batting practice against CJ Wilson.

He’s said he wants “routine”, right? They go way back. And as long as JH is going to keep swinging at everything he faces, and CJ thinks the strikezone is roughly the size of the Big A itself, maybe this will force at least one of them to sort their shit out.

4) Replace the entire starting lineup with bench players and call-ups.

Just for one series, as a wake-up call to the big guns. Have a look:

Infield: Jimenez, Romine, Harris, and Tommy Field.

Outfield: Shuck, Calhoun and Bourjos (he’s been through enough uncertainty over the last 18 months, leave him alone.)

Catcher: Hank Conger

SP: Garrett Richards

Bullpen: Roth, De La Rosa, Nick Maronde and Frieri (who hasn’t pitched enough to take any blame…yet.)

Doesn’t look too bad, does it?

3) Bring in penalties.

How about a rule where, if you screw up running the bases, you’re forced to do a lap of the stadium in your underpants? *

If you bobble a routine fly, you have to juggle for the entire next inning.

Or if a pitcher walks in a run during a tight game, he has to go ride “It’s A Small World” four times in a row, without earplugs.

*This will not work for Mike Trout. He’d get as far as the Trout Farm, and never be seen again.

2) Stop calling Albert Pujols “The Machine”.

Have you noticed that he plays better with a smile on his face?

Call him “Mr. Happy”, or something, let him enjoy himself. It suits him.

1) Replace “Buttercup” in the 7^th innings stretch with Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name Of”.

Ok, that one is just for me. But seriously, wouldn’t that be cool?

Because, let's be honest, after the events of this week? It's worth remembering that it's just a game. 

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The Angel lineup has hardly been the unstoppable juggernaut that many projected it would be coming into the 2013 season. There are a multitude of reasons for this but one of them has not been Albert Pujols, a nice change from the Halos' early offensive struggles from the season before. In fact, it appears that one of the unnoticed positives from an otherwise dismal April for the Angels is that Albert Pujols is showing signs of a bounceback season.

Now, calling it a bounceback after a year in which Pujols hit 30 homers and posted a .394 wOBA is probably not the normal notion of a bounceback season, but we are talking in relative terms here. While Albert was still very productive in 2012, one of the big storylines underscoring his numbers was a stark decline in his plate discipline numbers.

2012 was a year in which Pujols swung at a career-high percentage of pitches, 65.1%, with much of that spike coming in the form of an alarming propensity for chasing pitches out of the zone. Not only was this the third consecutive season that The Machine's plate discipline numbers trended towards being less disciplined, it was also a huge jump in a bad way for those numbers. As a result, there were many a question asked about how quickly Pujols might be headed for an overall decline in his productivity.

Well, good news for the Angels, it appears that reports of Albert's demise have been greatly exaggerated, well demise of his approach at the plate, anyway. Thus far in 2013, Pujols has looked a lot like his old self. Maybe not his old, back in his prime self, but at least the hitter he was three years ago when the erosion of his discipline began.

The April 17th, 2013 edition of daily news for the Los Angeles Angels including Madson nearing a return, Weaver using a bone stimulator to hasten his return and much more...

The Story: Ryan Madson had his most complete bullpen session yet and could soon begin facing batters.

The Monkey Says: That could have him activated from the DL in the next 10-14 days which would be exactly what the embattled Angel bullpen needs. This, of course, means that he is bound to tweak his elbow again or maybe just trip over a black cat while ducking under a ladder only to smash his face into a mirror, breaking both his face and the mirror.

The Story: Jered Weaver has been using a bone stimulator device on his broken elbow in hopes of speeding up his recovery.

The Monkey Says: Can he find a velocity stimulator for his throwing arm? The detail that this device helped Pujols accelerate his recovery from his broken wrist is certainly encouraging, but I wouldn't expect any miracles. If this was such a magical device, wouldn't everyone be using them? Now please allow me to pause for a moment to pat myself on the back for getting through this entire blurb without making a juvenile joke about the potential other uses for a "bone stimulator." Thanks.

It couldn't possibly get worse, right? No. Actually, it seems like it can. After Joe Blanton stunk up the joint last night, serving up taters to the whole ballpark out in frigid Minnesota, Jason Vargas out-stunk him. One could try to rationalize the sudden loss of Vargas' command of his pitches, chocking it up to the cold air, or sympathy for Blanton, or a Space Jam-esque alien invasion.

But at this point, who wants to hear rationalizations? Who are these guys? The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are once again the laughing stocks of April, crumpling under the weight of expectations and lack of organizational depth and injuries. At some point, something has got to change, and knowing Jerry Dipoto, it will.

But until that day comes, the Angels find themselves once again on the losing end of a shellacking by the... Minnesota Twins. One can look to the skies for a silver lining, but it's night time in Anaheim, and the clouds are nowhere to be found.

Twins 8, Angels 6

Game Notes

-- Mike Trout is looking more and more like himself these days, so there's that. Out to prove the sophomore slump is a myth, Kid Fish had another two hits, including a couple 2-out RBI, and raising his batting average back into the .300's. This could be the last time it dips below that mark this season, fans can hope, but who knows?

-- Speaking of 2-out RBI, the Angels actually had some clutch hitting to speak of. Albert Pujols drove in a key run early on, while Peter Bourjos and Andrew Romine contributed with run-producing outs to compliment Trout's efforts. And, that's about it. Howie Kendrick continues to swing at terrible pitches. Josh Hamilton continues to swing at terrible pitches. But hey, it's early, right? Right...?

-- Dane De La Rosa continues to produce solid work out of the bullpen. At this rate, that might make two great pitching acquisitions in the Dipoto regime; him and Ernestor Frieri... and... uh.... .... uh..... a little help here, folks?

Halo A-Hole of the Game

I want to include all of the starting pitchers for their ugly, ugly collective 6.07 ERA this season, but there can only be one per game. Sorry guys.