The best part of the amateur draft is that we fans get all sorts of new toys to play with. Our favorite team drafts nearly 40 new prospects for us to dream on. The problem is that the draft is such a murky thing that we really know nothing about these guys. I intend to fix that.
No, I don't actually have information on the new players, but that isn't going to stop me. Instead, I am just going to arbitrarily assign backstories to each guy so that they will always have a special place in our memories even if they don't pan out. Why? Because why not, that's why!
Round 2 (#59) - Hunter Green, LHP, Warren East HS: A first round talent that fell to #59 because he takes his first name too literally and only hunts "the most dangerous game."
Round 3 (#95) - Keynan Middleton, RHP, Lane CC: He is the fifth cousin four times removed of Princess Kate Middleton. As such, if there is ever a horrible explosion during a picture of the extended royal family, Keynan could find himself the unlikely new monarch of Great Britain. (Yep, that's right a King Ralph joke in 2013. What are you gonna do about it?)
Round 4 (#127) - Elliot Morris, RHP, Pierce College: His nickname since childhood is "Weenie the Poo." Do NOT ask him why.
Round 5 (#157) - Kyle McGowin, RHP, Savannah State: Plans on using his signing bonus to start an alpaca farm.
Round 6 (#187) - Harrison Cooney, RHP, Florida Gulf Coast: In his contract negotiations, he insisted that he be allowed to enter the game on a Segway whenever he gets called in from the bullpen.
Round 7 (#217) - Garrett Nuss, RHP, Seminole State: Due to his first name, he is clearly destined for greatness. That's just good science talking.
Round 8 (#247) - Nate Smith, LHP, Furman University: Communicates with dead people, but only people who died in unfortunate luge accidents.
Round 9 (#277) - Stephen McGee, C, Florida State: Had a small role in the unreleased sequel to Snakes on a Plane. He played "Blue Krait #4."
Round 10 (#307) - Grant Gordon, RHP, Missouri State: Caught Tebowmania, had to be placed on life support for three weeks.
Round 11 (#337) - Jonah Wesely, LHP, Tracy HS: Has a pet raccoon named Carl Von Cuddlestripes.
Round 12 (#367) - Blake Goins, RHP, Pearland HS: The Angels agonized over this pick because they weren't sure if they wanted to pick Brad Cummins instead. Yep, they didn't know if they were Cummins or Goins. (Hello? Is this thing on? Take my wife, please!)no comments