Let's face it, this whole Josh Hamilton thing isn't working out so great. He's easily the most disappointing and most frustrating player on an incredibly disappointing and frustrating team. The problem is that Josh isn't going anywhere. We fans are just going to have to make the best of it, so to prepare you for what is sure to be a tough emotional journey, we present the Five Stages of Rooting for Josh Hamilton. Our sincere hope is that if/when you feel any of these feelings, you will be comforted by the fact that they are entirely normal and merely a part of where you are when it comes to making peace with having Josh Hamilton on the team you love.
"He'll be fine. He's just streaky."
"I'm sure he just has to get comfortable with his new team and then everything will fall into place."
"There's nothing wrong with him, he's always swung at everything. Someday soon the results will be there and we'll all be like 'Oh. Oh, OK.'"
"He hit homers in back-to-back games! He's about to turn things around. I can feel it!"
(TWO MONTHS LATER)
"He had three hits last night! He's about to turn things around. I can feel it!"
"God dammit! I knew we shouldn't have signed this clown. I always hated him when he was a Ranger!"
"At least act like you care, you overpaid sack of crap!"
"STOP SWINGING AT BREAKING BALLS IN THE DIRT, ASSHOLE!"
"Why don't you pray to Jesus to give you the ability to recognize a changeup!"
"Maybe if Scioscia just drops him in the order, he can hit with less pressure and find a groove."
"The Angels should platoon Josh, just until he regains his confidence."
"He's got to be hiding an injury, right? Right? RIGHT??!!?!"
"Do you think we can trade Hamilton for Vernon Wells?"
"This team is screwed with all these bad contracts. They are going to miss the playoffs for the next decade. I quit."
"I can't believe the Angels still have to pay Hamilton for another four and a half years."
"I can't believe I have to watch Josh Hamilton play for another four and a half years."
/sits at computer refreshing sadjoshhamilton.tumblr.com every five minutes while weeping
"Hamilton is never going to get better. That's fine. The Angels will just hide him on the bench and overpay for a replacement, just like they did with Vernon Wells before him and Gary Matthews before him and so on and so on."
"This is what we deserve for being so greedy. They should have just re-signed Hunter and left it at that."
"Well, he can kind of hit righties. He'll be overpaid but he can still provide some utility if used judiciously. That's better than nothing"
"Whatever. At least the Angels still have Trout."
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