In his first year as general manager of the Angels, Jerry Dipoto has proven to be aggressive and effective on the trade and free agency market. He's also shown that he is an ever-smiling fountain of energy and positivity. But underneath that facade, it turns out he is a cagey bastard who deftly uses his charm to give interview after interview of nothing but empty platitudes.
Since Jerry seems hellbent on not tipping his hand and thus not providing us fans with the juicy trade tidbits that we all salivate over, the least we can do is try and derive some entertainment from all of his lack information. As such, I introduce to you the Jerry Dipoto Trade Deadline Quote Drinking Game!
(Uh, drinking of orange juice, because this blog in no way endorses binge drinking, that would be wrong, or so says my lawyer friend who made me put this disclaimer in here)
1 sip of beer
A reference to the "current 25-man roster." This is Jerry's way of deflecting behind through some veiled suggestion that the current 25-man roster is playing well but is also in such a delicate state that he won't risk upsetting that balance by making a bold move. Really, it is GM-speak 101 as he gets to hide behind a claim that he likes the current roster, so as not to upset the players on the team, but really it is just a CYA statement in case he can't pull off a deal.
2 sips of beer
Any non-denial denial of his willingness to trade Peter Bourjos. Pay attention to every quote he has given on the matter. He'll talk about what a great fit Bourjos is for the club or how he is someone that they can envision as a major part of the future. But he NEVER follows Nancy Reagan's advice to "just say no."
1 shot of liquor
An allusion to the "definition of the market." In Jerry's world, the trade market is moving, thinking, breathing thing. It also apparently needs to hit the gym and get toned up a little bit before Jerry will get serious about it.
2 shots of liquor
Declaring that nothing is "imminent." Again, right out of the new general manager's playbook. It is a wonderful word because it tempers expectations while raising them at the same time. By suggesting that nothing is on the verge of happening at this very moment, he makes sure nobody jumps to any conclusions about their plans, but he also indirectly suggests that there is something that he is at least discussing or working on.
Chug your entire drink
Anytime Dipoto talks about trying to "capitalize on an opportunity." JeDi does not make trades, he capitalizes on another GM's favorable trade offer. JeDi does not sign free agents, he capitalizes on market inefficiencies. JeDi does not eat lunch, he capitalizes on the available storage space in his stomach.
The phrase "due diligence." This is Jerry's favorite phrase dating back to his pursuit of Albert Pujols. Seriously, he uses it all the time. Making this the "kegstand" entry is probably a surefire way to give people alcohol poisoning, but isn't getting blackout drunk the point of drinking games? Good thing a drinking game based off of reading interviews in newspapers is the most impractical thing in the world, other wise I am SO going to get sued.
Drink every alcoholic beverage in your fridge and/or liquor cabinet
Use of the word "hullabaloo." Seriously, Jerry actually used that term. Hullabaloo. Apparently Dipoto still thinks that it is the 18th century. I have to assume this is a one-time slip up, but just to be safe let's include the following terms on this list as well: rapscallion, ne'er-do-well, scuttlebutt, horsefeathers, poppycock, flim-flam, hootenanny.
Photo via Daylife.com
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