Position players haven't even officially reported to camp yet this spring, but yet I feel as we have already learned so much about this team. I'm always up for a little knowledge being dropped on me, so let's review the top then lessons we've already learned about the 2011 Angels thus far in Spring Training.
Bonus lesson: catchers need to catch the ball or they get their fat asses shipped out of the country.
- Kendry Morales' health status is going to be a top story alllllllllll season looooooooooooong and we are just going to have to deal with it. The Halos literally couldn't get past the first day of training camp without Kendry's ankle becoming a leading headline. We best all get used to it too because everytime Morales winces in pain or shows even a hint of a limp, it is going to become a major story.
- Maicer Izturis is the team's preferred leadoff man, which means he is probably going to be the starter at third base as well, which means that he'll probably be on the DL by May 10th, which means the Angels offense is probably screwed.
- If the Angels win the World Series this year, Jenny Craig is going to be named the team MVP since apparently half the players that have shown up at camp have lost a lot of weight and/or body fat. And they say America has an obesity problem.
- Mike Scioscia and Joe Maddon must never talk anymore. Both managers, and former colleagues, are faced with the same problem of having a well-stocked bullpen that lacks an obvious closer. Scioscia seems intent on naming a single closer anyway (probably Fernando Rodney, for all the wrong reasons) while Maddon (for all the right reasons) is likely going to implement a closer-by-committee. C'mon, Mike, give your old buddy Joe a call! You might learn something.
- Peter Bourjos isn't going anywhere. Position players haven't even reported to camp yet, but the Angel brass haven't even so much as subtly hinted as Bourjos having to fight for his job, even though many fans (myself excluded) seem to think he needs to return to minors to work on his hitting.
- Jose Bautista will be an Angel sometime in 2013. Baustista did his best Brady Anderson impression last season and parlayed it into a five-year, $65 million deal with the Jays. Once Jose turns back into a league-average scrub who is now wildly overpaid, the Jays' GM, Alex Anthopolous, will no doubt dip back into his old bag of tricks and find a way to pawn Bautista off on that poor sap Tony Reagins.
- The Angels aren't even going to allow an iota of speculation that Mike Trout will see any time at all in the majors this season. The entire front office is shooting down that notion every chance they get. Clearly they don't want any pressure on him as he climbs the minor league ladder. This is a good thing.
- Cancer is the new black. Mike Butcher's got it. John Lackey's wife has it. Everyone's doing it! Cancer, finally, its cool!!! (Too soon? Yeah, too soon.)
- Arte Moreno needs to hurry up and make good on that long-rumored multi-billion dollar TV deal we've been hearing about. The Lakers just cashed in with a $3 billion deal of their own, which means pro sports teams in LA are going to be in a panic to try and suck up what remains of the potential TV money by either starting their own channel (like the Lakers) or by squeezing Fox Sports for every cent they have left.
- Lyle Spencer, the Angels beat writer for MLB.com, has a gay crush on Jeff Mathis (not that there is anything wrong with that). Seriously, pitchers and catchers reported to camp on Monday and Spencer has already written 49 (I'm approximating, conservatively) puff pieces about Mathis. By the time the season starts, I fear that good ol' Lyle is going to anoint Mathis the greatest catcher of all-time followed by him sacrificing a virgin at the altar dedicated to Mathis that he built in his basement.