10 Just Plain Crazy Predictions for the Angels in 2010
10 predictions so crazy, they might just come true!
With the start of the MLB season you can't surf the internet without tripping all over sports blogs making so-called "bold" predictions about their favorite team. It seems like bold just isn't that bold anymore so we here at Monkey With a Halo are taking predictions to the next level with ten just plain crazy predictions for the Angels and the 2010 season:
- In an effort to assuage fans who want Chone Figgins back, Brandon Wood will change his name to Shawn Figgins, hoping that by actually spelling his new first name correctly, Angel fans will immediately favor him over the original Figgy.
- Matsuiland becomes a huge hit with the fans and is embraced by the franchise to the point that they actually build a real Matsuiland in the parking lot, complete with rides and a guided tour of Hideki Matsui's legenday porno DVD library.
- The mystery behind Robb Quinlan inexplicably making the final roster is revealed when TMZ uncovers a blackmail scheme orchestrated by Quinlan against Mike Scioscia involving compromising video of Sosh getting "intimate" with a tray of lasagna.
- My wildest dreams come true as advances in genetic science finally allow for Jeff Mathis and Mike Napoli to have their DNA spliced together to give the Angels a power-hitting, defensive ace catcher. Despite this, Mike Scioscia still feels compelled to carry three catchers on the active roster.
- Brandon Wood sets a new big league record for strikeouts in a season with 225 whiffs. Even more amazingly, he manages to do it in just 226 at-bats.
- The Angels don't make a move at the trade deadline and for once the fans actually don't complain about it.
- Facing the Angels for the first time since he stabbed them in the back signed with the Red Sox, John Lackey gets his entire face broken by a Kendry Morales line drive comebacker. (OK, that one might be more wishful thinking than an actual prediction.)
- In the craziest development of them all, Brian Fuentes remains the closer all year long and I manage to not have a massive heart attack. However, by early August Fernando Rodney's ineptitude will cause me to start involuntarily banging my laptop over my head every time he steps on the mound.
- Juan Rivera will actually dive for a ball in the outfield... TWICE!!!!
- The Angels defy all the advanced statistical projection systems and end up winning the the AL West. That has never happened for the Angels before, right? That would be way too crazy if they had managed to defy the projections several years in a row.